Friday, September 21, 2012

"How To" Lecture Series #2

You guys have been struggling with ideas on how to do things (injuries). 
I know and i'm sorry. 
Let me redeem myself.
There aren't as many steps with this one, which is nice.
Nor are there as many lasting effects.... but it's something you should all do at least once.
See this?
This is a cigarette lighter, from a car. 
Did you know there are multiple things to do with this?
  • remove it and use it as a charger for your phone
  • remove it and plug in an ipod hook up, listen to some tunes
  • light a cigarette (so i've heard) 
  • warm up your food in small amounts (might be kinda hard)
  • burn a napkin (again, might be kinda hard)
  • burn and blister your fingers
i'm going to randomly pick one to teach you about.... hmmm..... ok got it......

lecture #2
how to:
Burn/blister your finger with a cigarette ligher--
(unfortunately i didn't document with pictures)
WARNING: Steps 1-8 will happen VERY fast.

1. It'd be best if you typically fiddled around with things in a car, as the passenger.  Just so its more natural, but if you don't its fine, you can start on the spot.  So, first off, fiddle around with all things up front while sitting in the passenger seat, driving around looking for parking. I was extremely (not even extreme enough of a word) hungry... which might have contributed to the nonstop fiddling, so maybe don't eat for a good while before.
2. After you've messed with a handful of things in the car (you need some examples? open and close the glove (jockey?) box, mess with the cup holder, play with the CD player, monkey around with the air controls, just whatever you can come up with really)...........push in the cigarette lighter... just push it as hard as you can.
3. Remove it and press it tightly between your thumb, pointer and index fingers. Don't even think about it. Just push it down as firmly as you can.
4. Wait a second to react.
5. You'll now realize your skin is literally sizzling. Smoking. It smells like a campfire.
6. Scream (ahhhhhh).... and drop it on the floor of the car. Hopefully it's carpet so there is a chance it could catch on fire or something.
7. Your fingers will hurt like c-r-a-p. Just burning burning burning.
8. Blow on them..... suck on them.... be really annoying about it. Give it the full effect.
9.  You'll finally get a freaking parking place, and into a restaurant (side note: i decided i don't like the Olive Garden much... sorry America).  You can now push your little fire fingers against your cold water glass all of dinner. It should distract you a little.
10. Once you leave the restaurant, your fingers will be on FIRE again (no more ice).  Heck no, don't even think about asking the nice waiter at Olive Garden for some ice... no siree.
11. Suck on them the whole way home, it's not sanitary.
12. Sleep with ice on your hand, get your sheets wet.  (should sound familiar)
13.  They'll feel ok when you wake up.  Probably will be hard to type/write all day at work/school, but you're fine.  Just talk about it a lot, let your co-workers and class mates know you're in pain.
14. Wait a few days to pop the blisters.. and then keep bandaids on them for 3-4 days afterwards. Really a relatively quick recovery.  Something you may or may not be used to.
15. About a week and a half later, they should be back to normal.  You should just feel like an idiot. A really big idiot.


It's as easy as that kids.
Happy burning!

4 comments:

Jenna said...

I did this when I was 8. So much fun.

Brooke Shoko said...

im dying.

Paul Busk said...

I learn so much from you... thank you.

Ashlyn Isabella said...

Tell me more about this garden of olives..?