Sunday, November 11, 2012

An Evil Holiday

If I've said it once I've said it a thousand times, I am not a fan of Halloween.  

The last few years I've put in a good effort to like it a bit more, but all that blew up this year.  
A) I had two huuuuge tests.  And I did rather bad on one after 30+ hours of studying. 
B) As I was driving home from test 2 on 3 hours of sleep, I ran over something on the freeway. Beats the heck out of me what it was.  Didn't see a thing in the road, and I wasn't fiddling.  I get off the exit and figured it might be my radiator (paranoia because I ran over something that ruined it a while back) so I kept checking to see if the freaking car was over heating.  A few minutes later I could smell gas.  Didn't think that was a great sign.  Saw my gas light switch on and recalled having over a 1/4th tank just a few seconds ago.  Anyhooooooooooo I got a hole in my gas tank.  Somehow that small object I ran over pierced an a hole all the way through my gas tank. I got a hole in my gas tank. A big hole. I got a hole.
It cost $678 to get a new gas tank put in.

Things I could have bought with $678:
Divided into two categoris......that don't make sense........
  • Things to help me stay warm: 
    • approx 2 pairs of these boots. (or like)  I NEED boots. My feet are freezing. You can only wear socks with Sperrys for so long.  
    • This tweed coat I saw this lady wearing the other day... i'm sure it was expensive.....but it wouldn't have capped $200. So i'm going to say at least 3 of those.  Also would enjoy a warm insulated puffy coat.  Both of those coats lets say and I would have had money to spare.
    • approx 8 or 9 good electric blankets
    • this is a little much, but i'm just saying I could have bought about 17 of them.
    • $678 towards a hot tub
    • At least 75 pairs of good socks/tights.
    • several new hair dryers (Jane did you steal mine?)
  • other things that would've made Sarah's life a little better:
    • this one makes me want to throw up... I could have 3 new iphones right now. And a few fun cases.
    • 4 of these tickets... the best seats.  Or some crappy seats and the roundtrip ticket to L.A.
    • Approx 135 Subway sandwiches.  I'm a regular there.  Just switched over from tuna to roast beef... I think i'm going to back to tuna soon. 
    • I'm not going to attempt the math on this one.... but a lot of storage I need for my computer, that currently isn't working because it's too full.  
    • a GRE prep class. (thinking of the future here...obviously the class wouldn't make anything better)
    • I don't know, Christmas presents for my family maybe
    • Could have done one heck of a sub for Santa
    • and on and on and on and on and on and on
Nothing surprises me anymore with those things(cars). 
blogger has recently become a place for me to express feelings of maddness and/or stupidity.  

Friday, September 21, 2012

"How To" Lecture Series #2

You guys have been struggling with ideas on how to do things (injuries). 
I know and i'm sorry. 
Let me redeem myself.
There aren't as many steps with this one, which is nice.
Nor are there as many lasting effects.... but it's something you should all do at least once.
See this?
This is a cigarette lighter, from a car. 
Did you know there are multiple things to do with this?
  • remove it and use it as a charger for your phone
  • remove it and plug in an ipod hook up, listen to some tunes
  • light a cigarette (so i've heard) 
  • warm up your food in small amounts (might be kinda hard)
  • burn a napkin (again, might be kinda hard)
  • burn and blister your fingers
i'm going to randomly pick one to teach you about.... hmmm..... ok got it......

lecture #2
how to:
Burn/blister your finger with a cigarette ligher--
(unfortunately i didn't document with pictures)
WARNING: Steps 1-8 will happen VERY fast.

1. It'd be best if you typically fiddled around with things in a car, as the passenger.  Just so its more natural, but if you don't its fine, you can start on the spot.  So, first off, fiddle around with all things up front while sitting in the passenger seat, driving around looking for parking. I was extremely (not even extreme enough of a word) hungry... which might have contributed to the nonstop fiddling, so maybe don't eat for a good while before.
2. After you've messed with a handful of things in the car (you need some examples? open and close the glove (jockey?) box, mess with the cup holder, play with the CD player, monkey around with the air controls, just whatever you can come up with really)...........push in the cigarette lighter... just push it as hard as you can.
3. Remove it and press it tightly between your thumb, pointer and index fingers. Don't even think about it. Just push it down as firmly as you can.
4. Wait a second to react.
5. You'll now realize your skin is literally sizzling. Smoking. It smells like a campfire.
6. Scream (ahhhhhh).... and drop it on the floor of the car. Hopefully it's carpet so there is a chance it could catch on fire or something.
7. Your fingers will hurt like c-r-a-p. Just burning burning burning.
8. Blow on them..... suck on them.... be really annoying about it. Give it the full effect.
9.  You'll finally get a freaking parking place, and into a restaurant (side note: i decided i don't like the Olive Garden much... sorry America).  You can now push your little fire fingers against your cold water glass all of dinner. It should distract you a little.
10. Once you leave the restaurant, your fingers will be on FIRE again (no more ice).  Heck no, don't even think about asking the nice waiter at Olive Garden for some ice... no siree.
11. Suck on them the whole way home, it's not sanitary.
12. Sleep with ice on your hand, get your sheets wet.  (should sound familiar)
13.  They'll feel ok when you wake up.  Probably will be hard to type/write all day at work/school, but you're fine.  Just talk about it a lot, let your co-workers and class mates know you're in pain.
14. Wait a few days to pop the blisters.. and then keep bandaids on them for 3-4 days afterwards. Really a relatively quick recovery.  Something you may or may not be used to.
15. About a week and a half later, they should be back to normal.  You should just feel like an idiot. A really big idiot.

It's as easy as that kids.
Happy burning!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The Fill Line.

Clearly I have had zero creative blogging juices running through my brain, and this isn't any more evidence that there is any liquid. But it does have to do with liquid....
About a month ago my mom bought me this at Costco...

Jane came home with a new Brita, this was brought back for me.  Liquids all around.
"Thought i'd be good for your system," she said. I mean i've got a pretty jacked up system, but I feel like thats a bit personal (which is why i'm blogging about it).  But I suppose she is my mother. Anyway, i've been drinking these for about a month now. Haven't noticed a difference system wise, but I don't really know what difference i'm supposed to be noticing. The flavors are kind of growing on me, which was a worry from the beginning.  Why am I posting about a sugar free, gluten free, lactose free, diabetic friendly, kosher certified, 5 calorie drink thats hardly effective? We'll i'll tell you. No, i'll show you. 
No. First let me get you in on the directions.......
Directions: Add cold water to the fill line of the bottle, pour packet contents into bottle, screw on sport cap , shake and drink! 
HINT: Use less water for a stronger flavor. 
Here is the bottle:


Do you see that fill line? 
I'm just confused. I'm confused every day when I don't fill it up to the fill line. I just dont understand why there needs to be a fill line. Clearly you just add water and the packet, doesn't matter how much water. Its a personal preference, says so in the hint.  You just add the bloody packet and some water. Thats all.  Why does there need to be a fill line? And why couldn't you just fill it to the top if you wanted? I mean it just occurred to me that perhaps they're saying fill it to that line, because you'll have to shake after, and it could overflow? There is the logic. Shoot. Maybe i'm the idiot. No i'm not. Who would need a line there so it doesn't overflow though? Are we people who need help with our digestive troubles and simple logic skills? I just wonder. I just don't get it. I've just been confused for a while now.

I obviously have nothing to blog about. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

Car Troubles?

Michael: "Well, I'm just different than you, Gob. You know, I'm not going to, you know, siphon gas out of some girl's car like you used to in high school just so you can show up and say, 'Car troubles?'
GOB"It's called 'taking advantage.' It's what gets you ahead in life."

That quote isn't relevant really, besides the fact that i'm having car troubles, and Gob says car troubles...

Let me first just say that I feel like it is safe to say, that I have awful luck with cars and/or i'm an idiot. Remember senior year when I totalled my parents car AND the relief society president's Lexus? Remember how i've been rear ended/rear ended probably about 10 times? Remember how my car broke down when I was driving to my Grandparents alone, and I had to get the transmission replaced? There are more that aren't coming to mind.... but just remember how i've spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars on cars? Me too.

These are my current car troubles:

  • REGISTRATION...expired in Febuary...
  • oil needs to be changed
  • key hole is broken...havent been locking my car for about 3 months, its fine....come break in
  • passenger door won't open from the outside
  • tires need to be rotated

Lets talk about the registration........
I recently realized how past due my registration is.... well I realized it first in April then I forgot about it....  I recently RErealized that I haven't done anything....i've become panicked whenever I drive. I'm convinced that I'm going to get pulled over, when before I realized it was expired, it never crossed my mind, funny how that works.  Get it registered you say? It's not that easy. Anyway today while I was driving around there were policeman every.where. I swear when you realize your sticker says a date it shouldn't, policeman come out like crazy. Those creeps.

Driving is weird.....
Do you ever think about what a strange governed society we live in? 
Particularly driving?

I mean all of us are just speeding around on these streets and we all follow the same rules and are scared of the same power-hungry-lighted cars.We all have to pay money to get gas and it doesn't matter how much it costs, because it is vital for us to drive our little metal things on wheels.

There are so many annoying things about driving; stickers, people cutting you off, speeding, not using their blinker, people hitting you, people talking on their bloody phone and on and on and on...

But on the contrary, there are some things that I find kinda great about driving.  Things about societal transportation that make me feel unified with all of these strange people I've never met, that have to get around just like me. (i'm just trying to throw a positive spin on an otherwise very negative post)

#1 I love love it when an ambulance drives by, not because it means someone is potentially dying, but because everyone pulls over to the side of the road. I love that everyone knows to do that. We all want the ambulance to get to the injured person at the other end and want to make room for them to do that as quickly as possible. What a courteous thing we do.
#2 I mean don't even need to say this one, we're all thinking about it, but when people let you in.  How great of them. They want you to not be frustrated almost as much as you do. Furthermore,  I feel like a million bucks when I let someone in. I mean how nice is that? Feeling like you did someone a favor that only cost you about five seconds.
 #3  Oh the head nod/the courtesy wave. It is REAL GREAT. I love that it is so assumed that you'll get it, and/or that you should offer it.  We all, well most of us, do it---give a friendly little nod or wave.  Its something else. And for some reason I feel like when I'm driving, its pretty genuine.

#4  When I see someone belting it out when they're driving. Just singing at the top of their little lungs. Love it.. In fact, when people are just sitting there, sometimes I'm confused.  But then not really, because it's great to just drive silently from time to time.

#5 I actually have no follow up. I just feel like 4 was an odd (no its not) number to stop at.

I bet I get pulled over tomorrow for my registration....its been a long time coming.....

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Lecture #1 UPDATE

After dozens of emails asking about my poor little toe, I thought i'd follow up and let you kids in on the latest. 
It finally happened.
Two nights ago I was laying in my bed about to hunker down, when I felt my toe nail (what was left of it) snag on my sheets. So naturally, I grabbed the toe nail sheers and I cut along side of the nail that was still attached and off it came, in one piece I might add. My toe nail finally fell off after a long time coming. And you guys, I feel great. I've never been happier. All the day long I just want to look at my toe. I'm obsessed with it. I'd say 65-70% off my conversations since this blessed event have been about my toe nail, or lack of. I feel so free. I've just recently realized how fascinating the human body is... I mean look at that! The new little nail is growing right up! Its right there! How'd it do that? Ain't that something?  
Anyway, if you followed the steps, this is your future!
 I'm so excited for all of you!

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

"How To" Lecture Series #1

I'm going to start a short blogging lecture series..... if all goes as planned, there will be many more to come. I want to give step by step instructions so all viewers can learn how to do things, the right way.

lecture #1
how to:
 have your toe/foot look like this----
(these were taken just minutes after I got home today. after all 20 steps are completed, these are the results you're looking for. notice the swelling of the toes and foot, the redness around the nail bud, and the black/gray bruising colors. this will be the best your foot will have looked in over two days, your nail is about ready to fall off!)

Look like something that might interest you? 
Just follow these 20 simple steps:
1. First sign up for a half marathon.  Set yourself up for failure.
2. Buy three pairs of running shoes and wear the ones that are too small first.
3. Wear them again, even after you find your sock soaked in blood after the first go.
4. Notice your nail turned gray and switch shoes. That way you'll have even less time to break into another pair of shoes before the big race.
5. Run the said race without taking any precautions to the toe. (you're going to be very tired, for various reasons, while running this race...just to warn you)
6. Take shoes off after the race and you're sure to see a very black toe. 
7. Go home and continue on with your day and try to do as much as possible. (for me, it worked great to; clean, go to a BBQ, study 4 hours, and then go to a wedding reception and mingle with your whole graduating class for about 2 hours, standing the whole time. Don't try to squeeze a nap in. Keep on your feet!)  At this point you should be saying, quite frequently, "my toe has a heart beat."
8. Wear the most uncomfortable shoes to church you can. Sure it doesn't make much sense, but just do it anyway. Beauty is pain, they say. 
9. Your dad is sure to print "what to do for a black toe nail" off the Internet, but just ignore it.
10. Go to dinner at a family friends where they will tell you, after you release the pressure underneath, it will feel better, and do it sooner than later.....but ignore that too.  
11. Your parents will even go as far as to offer to take you to insta care, but don't bother to take them up on that. You've got other things to do. 
12. Go to the library and study until 1 a.m. and then wake up and study some more. You'll be in a lot of pain at this point, but the few minutes it would take to figure out what to do with your toe, wouldn't be worth it. Your studying friends will want to kill you, but keep talking about your toe. (all the studying you've done over the last few days won't really have done much because you were in so much pain, but keep doing it anyway. It's a good waste of time. If you're lucky, you'll probably do as crappy as I did on the test)
13. Don't eat anything more than 2 1/2 Einstein Bagels (kiss of death) and a banana all day and head on down to wait in a standing line for a concert for a few hours. 
14. Stand for about 4 hours listening to crappy opening bands, and waiting for the concert and then maybe go ahead and sit when the concert starts. That makes a lot of sense. Also, don't bother to eat anything still. You'll be nauseous every time you stand up and your toe will be pulsing out of your skin, but just hang in there. And a plus, you'll be less than delightful to be around, complaining and whatnot. Although you'll really enjoy the concert, your toe will still be your main focus. 
15. Go home and go to bed pretty late, yet again. You can put some ice on your toe for a bit, but don't worry about finding a functional way for it to stay there while you sleep. It'll probably be best to just have a bag of ice to leak all over your sheets. 
16. Wear some socks and tight shoes the next morning when you get up. Don't even think about sandals, that'd be silly. Did you know that infection grows in moist places? Why wouldn't you want a sweaty little sock on your foot all day?
17. Go work with an autistic child who has no regard for your pulsing toe.
18. Walk the 15 minute walk to job #2, and don't take your time. You'll be about ready to drop dead right now, but just keep plugging along. The throbbing will only get worse.
19. Once you're at work you probably wont be able to concentrate much and will be doing everything you can not to pass out. Every time you stand up, you'll want to throw up.
20. Go into your boss's office and ask her to rip your toe nail off. If she's anything like mine, she might just take you up on that, at least to the extent that she can.  She'll get all excited to watch the blood/infection squeeze out of your toe, which will kind of confuse you. If you're as lucky as me, the whole office will be watching as your stinky (wouldn't have been if you had worn sandals) foot is up on her desk and she's pushing down as hard as she can to squirt the blood out. You'll let out yelps of pain, and be a little embarrassed.  They'll probably say stuff like "how have you even been walking?" and "why wouldn't you have done this two days ago?" etc. Bloody up a few paper towels and fill the whole office with the oder of your foot.  You'll then have to put your shoes back on and walk the 15 minutes back to your car. Although the throbbing will have ceased, you'll still in a  large amount of pain.

It's as easy as that kids.
Happy toe throbbing!